I do like being practical, mostly. So I’ll just start off with this real-life story: Sade and Kola (not their true names) start to date, Sade is quite young and naïve and Kola is her closest male friend and first boyfriend. In course of the relationship, she gets to witness some unpleasant sides of Kola. Now kola has anger issues, when he gets angry, it’s usually a scary experience, also, as a bad-ass side-kick, he’s over-protective which is like a synonym for jealousy, to the point that he seizes her phone from her, and then he has no qualms using her ATM indiscriminately. Note though that he could also be very sweet and caring. So this goes on for eight years, and Sade just keeps thinking, “the devil I know is better than the angel I don’t”, plus Kola keeps hammering in her ears, “I’ll leave you and no man would take you serious – who takes a lady that courted for eight years and breaks up seriously?” To cut the long story short (that’s so old school, lol), she breaks up with Kola, and is in a healthy relationship right now. And it wasn’t all gloom and doom peeps, like we all do, she learnt useful lessons and oh! luckily for her, sex wasn’t involved.
The above is quite real and quite a common tale, with or without variations; and 8 years??? Damn! At times tales like that drive me nuts, lol. It would or might be fallacious to say we all don’t have some shortcomings or flaws in our character, but then the essence of growing is to develop, the purpose of developing is to improve and mature. I always say – maturity ain’t about age, you could be 40 years old and so damn immature and a 10 year old kid could be sooooooo annoyingly mature. There are so many takes on what it means or takes to be in a relationship – a fulfilling one, and amongst the numerous opinion includes finding a ‘balance’ within oneself. The point here is, anger issues need to be resolved, jealousy needs to be cured, and it isn’t the responsibility of partners to do that, you might wanna argue that with your counselor. But it just ain’t, I don’t have to deal with that shit all in the name of love. Don’t get me wrong, we make sacrifices and accommodate some things, but not temperaments that might lead to being punched, slapped, stabbed, or shot in future. Y’know, some ladies wonder why or how their husband beats them after marriage, most times than not, they close their eyes or heart to their spouses faults or just assume they’ll change after marriage, and that’s like one of the biggest lies our heart can manufacture! They ain’t gonna change and you’d better open your damn eyes – an unknown angel [in Sambisa forest] is better than the known devil [in Lagos city].
This isn’t an attempt to act self-righteous, but the point is, if you have a flaw – anger, trust issues, etc., try your damnedest best to fix it, just like you’d desperately fix a leaking roof or plumbing work before it gets worse or collapses around you.