This is not meant to be a debate or at attempt at rubbishing feminism, but rather they are thoughts and feelings from a neutral angle and from the reality which surrounds us and from which we can’t be isolated from and decide to live in limbo. Actually though, while I’ve had my reservations, though I would like to restate that I am not against feminism, this blog was inspired by a tiff I had with a so-called feminist on the social network, twitter. And I’d try to re-create the basic conversation without tagging anyone (everyone is entitled to their opinions). Here goes, it happened that a follower tweeted: ‘I need food’ and another guy replies him ‘you need a wife’, then a lady comes in and tweets [quoting]: ‘He needs FOOD! not a wife. Stereotypical thinking bro’, and then I tweeted: ‘Feminist’. Okay, from a neutral point, I mean, if someone had issues with how I said that, they should have clarified my position. Well, this feminist jumps in, becomes antagonistic and tweets: ‘you said ‘feminist’ like it’s an insult. What a joke! More fool you.’ I replied by tweeting (paraphrasing): ‘everyone was entitled to their opinions, and there should be no insults’. And oh, from there, she started to insult me, and brag about her achievements claiming I’d never achieve them [after I called her a noise-maker anyway (and I’d expatiate why I said that)]. Well, it was actually funny and irking because she jumped to conclusions and made so many uncalled for statements. I was left pondering, Iyanu’, if you were actually an anti-feminist, would her actions have made you have a re-think? The answer was and is NO!, if you have a position, try to pass it across in a dignified manner and not act like you are all knowing and self-righteous. For me, she painted a terrible picture for feminism and feminists. Oh, she did correct my slip though, I said feminism was a concept, and she rightly harshly retorted ‘it’s a factual theory, get your philosophy right’. *smiles* So it wasn’t all hail and brimestone.
Not trying to dig up dirt or something, and I quite moved on, just had to refer to it to give this opinion a base to stand on. I quite admire feminists and what they’re trying to achieve from Wilhelmina Drucker, Emmeline Pankhurst, Qasim Amin, Simone de Beauvoir, Chela Sandoval, to our own Chimamanda Adichie. I don’t really want to go into a history of feminism, but what they seek essentially is to achieve ‘equality’ between women and men. What then is equality, because personally ‘nothing’ is equal in life, our fingers ain’t, our teeth ain’t, our love ain’t, our political or cultural leaders ain’t…so rhetorically, what is the ‘equality’ they seek? Don’t get me wrong, of course I admit they can be better off, but equal? I heard yer.
I feel the first line of feminists should be parents, and they have continually failed us (I mean I still know parents who exclude male children from house chores based on the fact they feel it’s girls’ job plus parents who continually seek male children at any expense as if female children were garbage), even in this generation, followed by teachers (even Chimamanda Adichie testified to this in her talk at TEDxEuston – we should all be feminists), and they too have failed, now how can all of a sudden a ‘feminist’ comes along and tries to change socially-created perceptions about gender that’s been hammered into the head and mind of a girl and guy for more than a decade? When parents start to treat children ‘equally’, maybe there won’t be need for feminists, so why don’t feminists start from parents, especially young couples? I wonder. Do feminists educate teachers on a national and international scale? Well, I didn’t quite research that, so I won’t be able to say, but I highly doubt it. Don’t you feminists (including me, lol) think we if start from those two institutions – the home and the schools, the stress will reduce? I might be wrong.
How do I respect someone called ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, ‘hoe’, and they actually behave that way? And they have no complaints to being called that. I mean, how many ladies call men dogs and if they do is it on a global scale like ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, and the likes? #rhetorical…how do I treat someone who because she’s fashionable and exudes sexuality shows the whole of her breasts and arse, all in the name of ‘feminism’, well that’s actually a grey area, but I don’t think I’d wanna treat someone like that as an equal #justsaying. Girls looking for ‘rich’ men to marry and ditching ‘love’, how does that person treat ‘equality’, I mean, can’t y’girls all go make your money if you really wanna insist on being equal? This is not a rage against feminism based on the aforementioned tiff, it’s just I feel maybe the focus of feminists is on tackling the apple tree instead of taking care of the apple seeds. We have a reality, the solution is not fighting against that grown-ass reality, but trying to make the littluns have a different reality and in that I can boldly say feminism has failed. Do our ladies understand that they have control over their bodies and how a guy can handle it? Do they fully understand the meaning of sexual assault and that they go through this non-consensual touching, smooching, ‘fingering’, and the likes, everyday without either their knowledge (ignorance) that it’s assault or due to societal perceptions of male dominance? ‘Cos in that, feminism has failed. No matter the strides feminism feel they’ve taken, their failure is as glaring as a high-noon sun.
I reiterate once again, am a lover of feminism, even if at some point I might still be biased, don’t blame me for that – I was born into ‘that’ society. I mean even the bible has a certain disregard for women, even creation according to the bible knocks the wind out of their sail (Eve was created out of Adam), I don’t know about Islam or other religions. Having been working on Critical Discourse Analysis of gender portrayal in movies both in Nigeria and worldwide and media generally, they ‘stand against’ the ‘factual theory’ called feminism. Why don’t feminists work on that? I again wonder, media goes a long way in shaping people’s mind and perceptions, yet …*shrugs*, conferences once in a while with ‘select’ people wouldn’t solve nothing. Don’t rant, educate, and if you can’t sway, let ’em be. There’s a whole lotta new generation to be educated and which is being ignorantly ignored . This is the reality, and if anyone thinks I’ve been biased so far, so be it. And hence, I, in respect to the above, called the ‘accomplished’ feminist a noise-maker, really all she did was make noise that evening.
Carpe diem feminists. Peace.